It’s nice to have a purpose, other than yourself. Taking big chances brings big rewards and risking it all once again seems like the best bet.

Care e motivul pt care viata ta e atat de mizerabila incat ai ajuns sa te ascunzi in spatele iubirii ca sa poti indura zilele ce vin si nu se mai opresc? Ce te opreste sa privesti oamenii in ochi, sa le vezi sufletul si sa ii iei ca atare? Sa le spui ceea ce gandesti ca sa poti primi inapoi ganduri reale?

De ce nu il/o privesti pe el/ea in ochi pt a vedea ce se ascunde dupa zidul pe care singur/a l-ai ridicat? Poate asa chiar o sa ajungi sa iubesti, sa stii ce inseamna sa ai pe cineva aproape. Un om care nu doar sa-ti incalzeasca corpul, ci si mintea, sufletul.

Viata nu e mizerabila. Oamenii din ea sunt. De noi depinde daca ii lasam in viata noastra. De noi depinde daca sufletul nostru va ajunge sa fie si el mizerabil, sa nu mai ajunga sa stie ce inseamna iubirea, bunatatea, respectul si cinstea.

Slowly the memories started to sink in. His face, his voice and those words.. Why?! Why would he do that to her? She gave him everything.. they were supposed to grow old together. Looking around in her car, she could only see darkness. What hour is it?! Where would she go now?! She can’t leave for home at this hour, not in her state of mind and soul. Searching for her phone, a number popped up in her mind.

“Hey you! Sorry for calling now. Is this a bad time?”

“Well hello. No, of course not. What’s up?”

“Well.. I was wondering if you’d like to have a cup of coffee with me.”

“That’s a surprise. When?”

“Now.”

“Now?! Ok, why not? Where should I meet you?”

“What about Freya’s?!”

“Yeah.. I’ll be there in an hour.”

“Great! See you there.”

“Ok. Bye.”

Damn.. Another hour alone with nothing to do than listen to her thoughts and forcing herself not to cry. No. She wouldn’t do that. Not now, at least.

“I really hope this really pays off. And I hope I’m not making a big mistake.”

An hour later, he entered the cafe and found her lost somewhere far in her thoughts.

“Hey.. If you called me to come here just to have a coffee by myself, I might as well go back.”

“What?! Oh, sorry. I didn’t see you.. or hear you. I apologize.”

“Eh.. it’s ok. What’s up with you?!”

“Nothing much.. Just had some spare time on my hands and I thought that it would be nice to take you out. After all, we haven’t really see each other for a long time.”

“And what does your fiancé say about that?”

“I don’t think he cares anymore…”

“Since when?!”

“Since a couple of hours ago..”

“And then why did you call me?”

“I don’t know.. I didn’t think of a ‘why’. Just dialed. Is that ok?”

“That depends.”

“On what?!”

“On what interest do you have right now.”

“Define interest.”

She smiled at him. It was a sad one, but meaningful. She didn’t want to be alone for a while. Just a little while until she had the strength to admit to herself it was really over.

“I mean what role do I play in this picture.”

“I… I don’t want to be alone. I need someone, I need you!”

It almost sounded like a plea, something she always hated because she never thought of herself as someone who was weak, unable to deal with problems on her own, especially this kind of problem. However, the truth was that she felt lonely and in need of attention, of love no matter the form it came.

“I’m like a rebound? As if we’re going to have some crazy one night stand so that you’ll feel better.”

“No! I mean.. I don’t know. Maybe. Anyway, that’s the offer. Take it or leave it.”

“Thanks, but no. You’re making a mistake. You’re not thinking straight right now. You’ll see that tomorrow….”

“Never mind!” she snapped. “It’s not like you’re the only one who can give me what I need.”

“I’m not? Then why did you call me and not another?”

“Because you were the best option. Forget I ever asked. You’re right, it was stupid.”

She took her wallet out, placed the money on the table, and got up. She went outside trembling all over, furious at herself for even thinking he should take her home and make love to her.

It was still pouring and she wasn’t in any rush to get at her car. She didn’t have where to go and home wasn’t an option. She was thinking at spending the night in her car, somewhere in a parking lot when she heard a voice from behind her.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I think I’ll go for a ride and then find a hotel or something.”

“No, you’re not. Leave your car here. You’re coming with me.”

She didn’t know what made him change his mind, but followed with any protest. They never said a word until they arrived at his place. Not even when they got in. She looked around, trying to decide whether she liked the surroundings or not. The apartment was a combination of old and new, modern and classic.

“It’s a really nice place.”

When she turned, he was right there, just a few inches away from her face. His breath was uneven, like he was nervous. Having her so close made him restless and in his mind, a battle was taking place between what he should do and what he wanted to. He was involved with someone, nothing too serious, but still.

She blinked in surprise and smiled. Her smile was enough for him to decide. He took her in his arms and kissed her. While still embraced in their kiss, he raised her in his arms and walked toward the bedroom. As he reached the bed with her in his arms, they took a moment to look at each other. There was wonder in their eyes. There was lust, desire and hidden emotions. He took in all her features while she watched him with intense curiosity. The scent of his breath made her feel dizzy just like her perfume made him feel high.

“What made you change your mind?”

“Why? Have you changed yours?”

“No. But I need to know.”

“That’s an easy answer. It’s you. It’s the way you are.”

“I’m glad.”

She put her hands on his chest and kissed him. His fingers traced the line of her body until they reached the bottom of her shirt. He lifted it slowly, never wanting to interrupt that wonderful kiss. The way their tongues found each other, the way they played with each other it was something neither of them wanted to stop.

But they did. This time she wanted to take the lead. She took off his sweater in a heartbeat, pushing him hard against the mattress. He looked surprised while she was taking her clothes off, leaving on only her bra and panties.

“Are you leaving those for me?” he teased as she climbed the bed, finding her spot on top of him while her fingers were tracing every line of his chest.

“I’m leaving those on as a last chance for you to step back.”

“We’ve got this far. I want this. I want you. And not in the way you want it.”

“Which way is that?”

“As an escape. As a door that leads to freedom.”

“That’s not exactly true.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Some parts are. But I’m here because you’re the one that got away.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Let’s just say that you were always in one little corner of my mind. I can’t see any reason of why this shouldn’t happen eventually. Or why it shouldn’t happen now.”

“Why now?”

“Now is a good time as ever.”

“But…”

“Hey.. Kiss me and shut up!”

She closed her eyes and let herself be carried in another fantasy. One she knew it will be over soon, but for that moment it was more than enough. They made love again and again forgetting the world outside, like they knew each other for a life time. At the end she put her head over his chest, listening to his heartbeats, his arms caressing her back with tenderness. Minutes passed, hours passed.

“I should go. It’s getting late.”

“Why don’t you stay for the night? Like you said, it’s late. Do you at least have where to go?”

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?! What would she say if she comes over and finds us?”

“Not for tonight, I don’t.. Let me worry about that, ok?!”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Then she left his bed and began dressing. Her mind was full of questions. Just a few hours earlier she had someone who loved her, she had a life, a real relationship. Now all she had was a bed and a man who didn’t belong to her and the world she thought she built was crushing over her mind and soul. She was almost ready to leave when he reached her hand, taking it into his and said:

“I like you. I did when I first saw and I still do now. “

“Don’t.. Don’t say things like that because they can’t be true. I don’t even like myself right now. Maybe you liked what happened in that room, maybe you like the idea of me, but don’t tell me that you like me for me.”

He came closer, closing the distance between them and silenced all her questions and fears with a kiss.

“Come back to bed. Please.”

“Don’t complicate things much further. My life is complicated enough.”

“You don’t have where to go. No one will disturb you here. Stay for the night and you’ll figure it out in the morning.”

“Will you be here too?”

“Of course I will. I’ll be here with you.”

They went back in the bedroom. They went in bed and looked at each other for a moment. She smiled, her eyes full of tears. He took her in his arms, holding her tight and slowly kissed her forehead.

“Good night, little one.”

“Good night.”

For me, the impression I leave others is quite important. I can only be happy if others see me as being loved, respected, adulated. I ask for admiration from my partners, wishing to be unique and irresistible, showered with gifts, compliments, declarations of love and passion; but, at the same time, I wish to be free!

I like luxury, but I can live without it for I know the value of other things. And that is why I fight and struggle, honorably and with skill. I am an unmatched opponent if I desire something, taking every debt to a suitable end. I am responsible. I am passionate, mature, proud, even self-oriented, generous and a warrior.